Smile!!

To my Emma...

Dear Emma,
Tomorrow, you will be eight years old. You have grown up so quickly. I love watching you practice your ballet; it seems that you are your happiest when you are dancing and swaying. There are so many things that my heart wants to say to you. I love you so much. I fear that as our oldest, you have borne the brunt of all our parenting mistakes!! You have borne them well. You have such a sweet, and tender heart. You love to help and to teach. You wanted (and still want!!) a little sister so badly, and yet you love Judah so much... Just this morning, you were agreeing with me, that Judah is a necessary part of our family.
I love you so much. I remember the days, when it was just you and I... and although that time was not long, we laughed and danced and had lots of fun. You have grown into such a "girly" girl. You love painting your nails, curling your hair, playing with make-up, and dressing in your fanciest clothes.
Oh Emma... I wish I could open my heart and show you everything there. Words fail me in this season of little sleep. But for now, it is enough to say with all of my heart that I love you. You have changed me, or rather, Jesus has changed me by allowing me to be your mom. You amaze me. You teach me more about Jesus and His love everyday. My heart's prayer for you is that you would love Jesus more than anything. And that as you love Him more, you would trust Him as your Good Shepherd, and that you would dance your way through this life more gracefully and sweetly than I have. I pray that you would learn to dance with your Heavenly Father, who has orchestrated a beautiful dance for you.... You can trust Him to be Good, and Faithful and True.
I love you Emma.
Happy Birthday.
Mommy

Real...

My text to Ben this morning

with this picture:
"Oh man. The Lord knew I was going to need to sleep good last night.;) Judah's screaming, just cleaned up the second poop incident with Ezra, there's still pee covered up by a towel on the floor, and I've resorted to grading 4th grade math with a calculator. But we're choosing joy."

I am reading a children's version of one of my dearest favorites, Hind's Feet on High Places. It is sweet because it has devotional questions and verses, so I am going through it with Emma and Caleb during quiet time.
Today we read these two quotes which spoke sweetly to my heart:

"...the wild flowers have a wonderful lesson to teach. Many people live a quiet, ordinary life. Hardly anyone even knows about them, but their hearts are like delightful gardens where the King Himself walks and rejoices. Some of my servants have won great respect from other people and are famous, but always their greatest victories are like the wild flowers, those which no one knows about."

"...'the water seems to be singing so gladly because it is hurrying to go down into the Valley, and yet You are calling me to the High Places. What does it mean?'
'The High Places,' answered the Shepherd, 'are the starting place. It is only on the High Places of Love that anyone can receive the power to pour himself out and give to others.'"

Thank you Jesus. My heart needed that. =)

Stories...

Today, I asked the kids to write stories for Grandpa for his birthday:
(I have tried to keep it like they wrote it, so there are misspelled words, and some other mistakes. I did include periods even if they were missing for readability. )

Emma, age 7 (for 2 more days):
Once Apon a time there was a ten year old girl named Jenny and she loved playing with five year old Sally. So she asked to babysit Sally but her mom and dad said she was to young. Jenny was sad but her mom said she could go to her Aunt's house. Then Jenny had an idea. Mom she said could I babysit Sally with Aunt Kate? Of course dear go get Sally and I'll drive you to Aunt Kate's.
The End

Caleb, age 6
Sarah was going to the fair with her doll Peg, her friend Joe and his dogs, Jim and James. When they got to the fair Sarah, Joe, Jim and James and Peg went to the roller coster but then Peg fell out. the roller coster stopped and they started looking for Peg. First they looked for her in the Haunted house. Then they looked for her in the video arcade. Then they looked in the minature golf. Then they looked in the pony ride and she wasn't there. They almost gave up when a clown walked up to them. He was holding Peg! Is this yours he said. Yes! said Sarah. Thank you!
The End

New Bibles....

I know, it's lame. Here in America, we have ridiculous access to God's Word. But, there is something just so cool about getting a new Bible. Awhile back, Ben had gotten Emma and Caleb these little backpack Bibles, which they use for schoolwork, etc. NIV. Anyhow, Emma lost hers-we aren't sure if she left it at church or what. Anyhow, I went to get her a new one for her birthday, and couldn't find what I was looking for. As I was leaving, I remembered that Family Christian Stores was having a member special, a little ESV Bible for $5!! (This is Daddy's preferred translation). They had a beautiful cranberry-like color too!! So, I grabbed it and then remembered that I have been looking for a new Bible for myself for some time. I love my big 'ol honking NKJV Bible, but being a study Bible, the thing is huge. Lugging the diaper bag, the car seat with Judah, and my purse just doesn't lend itself to carrying around the big Bible, especially since I already have back trouble!!!
SO.... (to make a short story long!!!) I grabbed another of the little ESV Bibles, this one in black, and thought, as long as I can read the print, it will be perfect to put in the diaper bag!! Yay!!! But, on my way home, I got to thinking that when we do our morning Bible readings, Caleb reads half the chapter, and Emma reads the other. They follow along. And now, they would be reading from different translations. So, I decided to go ahead and give the little black ESV to Caleb so they could be reading the same version. But of course, then Noah wanted a new Bible. Caleb decided he would give his NIV backpack Bible to Noah. So he and Emma "surprised" Noah with it. And so, the sweetest thing last night was seeing the three bigger kids sprawled out in various places in the living room, all reading their new Bibles. (Sorry for the video quality, if it even works!! This is Noah reading Psalm 20:7)

Oh, Noah...

Noah: Mom, is there another baby in your tummy?
Me: No...
Noah: Then when is your tummy ever gonna stop being big?

Ramblings...

Ben and I are very slowly making our way through a cool little Bible study. We were both so struck by this last night:

(Jonathan Edwards on "common virtue" vs. "true virtue", using the virtue of honesty as an example:)

"In common virtue, you have not done anything to root out the fundamental cause of evil-the radical self-centeredness of the heart. You have restrained the heart's self-centeredness, but not changed it.

True virtue is when you are honest not because it profits you or makes you feel better, but because you are smitten with the beauty of God who is all truth and sincerity and faithfulness...That kind of motivation can only grow in someone deeply touched by God's grace...Consequently, our hearts are not just restrained but changed."


Seriously....

I am not sure how I can be expected to get anything done...

When I have this to sit and stare at. =)

But, was reading this morning and was praying this for the kids:

"Those who are planted in the house of the Lord
Shall flourish in the courts of our God.
They shall still bear fruit in old age
They shall be fresh and flourishing,
To declare that the Lord is upright;
He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him."
Psalm 92:13-15

Time Flies...

I know, I have already been terrible about posting pics of the little man. It's easier to post on Facebook from my iPhone, but I can't post those to my blog. So it takes me awhile. I usually don't have much time to get on the computer. So, real quick here are some pictures, I can't believe Judah is almost a month old. Time is flying by... but slowly, we are finding our way into a new routine.

He loves morning time...

Am I boring him, or is he just tired?

I never get tired of looking at him.

Baby burrito!!

Noah is so excited about his new math book! I finally ordered it for him, after him telling me for quite some time now that he is "ready for math." He will probably have a change of heart soon, but for now he is very excited about it. He is starting with Saxon 1.

The boys reading together. Noah has an easy reader book that I got him. It's a big, huge Disney book, and I don't actually consider it "easy" reading because it is mostly words that don't follow the phonetic rules. Anyhow, I heard Noah tell Ezra, "Just a minute and I will read it to you." Noah was supposed to be reading through a word list of short "i" words, and I heard him reading the Disney book to Ezra. I started to scold him for not doing his work, and then realized, "DUH!!"... this was even better. =)

About the name...

I wanted to get these stories down before I forgot them:

Last October, when we were in Palm Springs, we met a lady at the pool. She asked me what we were going to name our baby. At that point, we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. But I told her that if it was a boy, I wanted to name him Judah. Everybody has their reactions... she was obviously not excited about the name and said, "Eeew! It sounds like Judas!!" My dear friend Glory was with me and quickly said something about how Judah and Judas were very different!! Luckily I just laughed it off...

The next day, the lady was at the pool again and ran into Ben. She apologized and wanted to make sure she hadn't offended me, which Ben assured her she hadn't. But, I thought it was sweet because Ben got to explain who Judah was, one of the sons of Israel, and the tribe from which Jesus descended. Super cool. =)

Also, Ben and I had agreed to pray about what to name the baby, since we figured that God already knew his name, He just hadn't shared it with us yet. =) Anyhow, one morning, I felt that the Lord gave me these verses:

"He rejected the tent of Joseph; he did not choose the tribe of Ephraim, but he chose the tribe of Judah, Mount Zion, which he loves....

With upright heart he shepherded them and guided them with his skillful hand." Psalm 78:67-68, 72 (ESV)

I like the NKJV of verse 72, which says he "shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart."

My sweet little Judah Sean. Praise God who is gracious!!!

Growth....

Growth is a good thing! It's really important to kind of stop every once in awhile, and make sure that things aren't stagnant... That you are growing in your love for Jesus and His Word, that you are growing in your relationships and your ability to love.

I can recall, especially as a new mom of my first baby, feeling so proud every time I went to the doctor and saw how the baby had gained weight or grown in length by inches.

But today, I looked down and saw that Judah was already outgrowing his clothes. I have to start busting into the 3 month drawer. Oh man, it breaks my heart. I know it's a good thing-it means he is eating well, he is healthy, he is growing.

But it also means that there is at least a tiny bit of growth in my own mama's heart... because I am learning how quickly it all passes. I am learning not to wish the moments away... I am learning to embrace the crazy, and cherish the moments, because tomorrow comes too quickly.

"But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen." 2 Peter 3:18

This is how Judah tried to come out, with his hand near his face... I find him like this quite often!

Judah Sean Hester

Judah Sean Hester was born on March 18th, 2011. He weighed 9 lbs. even, and was 21 1/2 inches long. With a big head! =) His name means "Praise God who is gracious!" Judah means praise, and someone asked where we got the name Sean. Besides being a cool surfer name, we found it by searching for names that mean God is gracious. It just seemed the most fitting description for the past year or so.
*This is Judah's birth story, so if you don't like reading birth story details, then stop reading now.**

Anyhow, as most of you know, I had been having contractions for the last couple of weeks. They would come in regular intervals, and then putter out. Each time they came back they would be stronger. It was frustrating for me, as a momma for the fifth time, to feel like I had no idea what was going on, or when it was actually "time." Not to mention the fact that I was just bigger than I had been, so my heartburn was worse, my pubic bones were killing me, and the ultrasound and the midwife were both telling me that this was going to be a huge kid with a big head. So, I was pretty ready for him to come!! We had our homeschool co-op on Friday in Oxnard, which is about 40 minutes away, and Ben said he didn't feel comfortable with me going. I felt lame, but I went ahead and called and let people know I wouldn't be there.

Well, at least twice last week, I thought for sure this baby was coming. Contractions 3-4 minutes apart, things looking good. But I knew to wait, and they would go away, leaving me with little sleep, and getting frustrated. Thursday night, though, the contractions were coming, 3-4 minutes apart, with a lot of pain in my "area", so I thought maybe they might actually be dilating me. We called Karni (the midwife), and my mom, and both came over. Ben's adrenaline was flowing, we were all excited. The baby was coming!!! But alas, after about an hour, the contractions started to space out, and then they went away completely. Karni checked me and I was 80 percent effaced and only 2 cm dilated. That was my first exam, but I knew then, that this baby had changed his mind. So we sent everyone home. Karni had an appointment in Calabasas on Friday, which she was unsure if she should keep or not. I was frustrated. I told her, this baby is not coming.

About 4:30am, I woke up and started having contractions again. 3-4 minutes apart, definitely stronger and more intense. About 6:30, they started to space out to about 8 minutes apart. SERIOUSLY?? However, they were way more intense. Ben and I were trying to decide if he should go to work. We were pretty sure he would go, except that the contractions were intense enough that I didn't think I should be alone with the kids. Since we hadn't gotten much sleep, Ben decided to just take a vacation day and stay home. At 7:30am, Ben called Karni and just updated her on what was going on. She decided she would hang around Ventura. I felt hopeless, like I wouldn't know when to actually have her come. So I prayed that either my water would break, or that God would just put it on Karni's heart to know when to come! About 8:30am, Karni called and said she was heading our way, but she would stop for coffee. We called my mom to come over as well, but we knew she had to pick up my brother's kids at noon. About 9:15am, or so, both Karni and my mom were here. I went potty, and when I wiped, there was something weird. Ben and Karni came in and we all had a good laugh, as my bag of waters was bulging out of me!! AAHH! That is weird!! But, it meant that I was basically fully dilated. My contractions were still somewhere between 5-8 minutes apart, and not quite as strong, so we were waiting and thinking about pushing. Karni broke my water bag, and then things got crazy. She had me lay down, so baby's head could clear my pelvic bone. Then, I was kind of standing near the bed and the real work began. As I was pushing his head, Ben and Karni had me go REALLY SLOW because his head was REALLY BIG. It was super painful. Then, once his head was about stretching me to the fullest point, I had to sit and wait for the next contraction, at which point I thought I might pass out. =) Normally with my kids, once the head is out, the baby just flies out! Not this guy!! He had his hand up next to his face (probably trying to suck his thumb!) and so Karni moved his hand and Ben pulled him the rest of the way out and up to me. I had so many things running through my head... This was by far my most difficult and painful delivery. But, even now, I am amazed, how when that little one is in your arms....God's grace just covers it all.

Judah Sean Hester is amazing. He is utterly adored in this household. Emma wants to hold him all the time. Even Ezra has been pretty gentle with him. Newborns, I think, are such a perfect picture of the gospel. You love this person, not because of anything they do or don't do... You love them because of who they are. We are loved because of who Christ is, and because being united with Him makes us heirs, sons and daughters. We have performed so badly, but God treats us so kindly, because Christ has performed well on our behalf, and has made us sons and daughters.

Praise God, who is gracious.

Waiting...

I think every pregnant mom finds those last few days/weeks just a tad difficult. The anticipation of the new little one, being huge, not getting sleep due to heartburn or just being uncomfortable. I am bigger this time than I have ever been. No, no... it's true. Many have confirmed it. My heartburn is worse, and I have this pelvic bone problem where I can't lift one leg at a time, or turn over without excruciating pain. I have what they call "prodromal labor" which means I get contractions, real ones, which will come regularly, and then go away. Makes it very difficult to know when the baby is ACTUALLY coming, but also tends to lend itself towards very quick deliveries (hence Ezra).

But, these last few days or so have reminded me that how we wait reveals a lot about our character. And boy, have I come up lacking. We have good days, where we still do some schoolwork, and we laugh and play Just Dance on the Wii trying to encourage baby to come and join this big, fun family. But other days... well, other days are just glaring reminders at how much I am lacking in character. I am so thankful that the Gospel is ever before me.... What perfect timing that we have been marinating in these truths: I HAVE PERFORMED TERRIBLY, and yet because of Jesus Christ, GOD TREATS ME SO KINDLY.

And His kindness comes in so many ways... like a mom, who lets me bring all the kids over and makes the waiting less.... miserable. This morning we made green shamrock pancakes for the kids, and then walked to the thrift store and SCORED on books, which has kept the kids happy for the rest of the day. Like fresh, yummy bread from Westridge Market.

It seems almost ironic that one of my favorite songs is John Waller's, "While I'm Waiting." I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting...

How you wait says a lot about your character...

And while my heart's desire is to wait for this sweet little one WELL, today I am basking in a Savior who performed well so that I can be treated kindly even when I don't. Thank you Jesus.

Almost Done....

I know, I know... poor subsequent children who don't get as many pictures taken, or stories written down, or baby book entries as first kids. I feel like I have barely written anything about this pregnancy. But, even though I haven't written much, it doesn't mean that I marvel any less-in fact, I think it is the opposite. I may not have to time to record it all, but that's because I am too much in awe, just trying to take it all in. This time, I know what's happening-there's a baby inside of me, who will grow way too quickly into a little person, with tons of personality. And the love... man, I think on your second child you wonder how you will ever love another child the way you love that first one. But by this time... I am used to that amazing multiplication process, and I just know that my heart will feel like it will burst because there is just. so. much. love. In many ways, it already feels like that.

Today, I am feeling so many things. The rain is gently falling outside, and I am just keenly aware that soon, there will be a baby. This pregnancy has been a difficult one!! With my back trouble, and pelvic bone pain and heartburn which keep me up most nights.... And yet, I

am looking around our room thinking, "We're almost done. There's going to be a baby..." In some ways, it doesn't feel real. But in other ways, it is so close I can touch it and smell it. And so, I find this verse particularly relevant to my heart:

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope, because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body...If we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance...Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses...." Romans 8:18-23,25,26a

Such a rich passage. So much to feast on. Such clear pictures for me right now. My body groans and aches to hold this little guy... I am eagerly waiting with perseverance. And praise be to Almighty God, whose Spirit helps us in our weakness....because right now, my weakness is great. =)

Ultrasound at 35 weeks: 1 1/2 hours in the waiting room with all four kids. Finally get in, they rush, rush, inform me that baby's head is measuring 39 weeks, and he is already 7 lbs. REALLY????? Because my biggest baby was 7lbs. 4 oz. So, yeah.... this should be interesting.

A lesson on prayer....

Noah came in early one morning and was sad that he couldn't find his toy airplane. He said, "Mom, I want you to pray with me that God will help me find it." So, I did.

About ten minutes later he runs in, excited, "Mom!! I found the airplane!!" So we stopped to thank God for answering our prayers.

I think it was a couple of hours later, but sweet Noah came to find me and said, "Mom! We can't find Caleb's lego lightsaber. Will you pray with me that we find it?"

How To....

Make 11 Years Fly By!!!

1. Get married young.

2. Have some good, clean...weird, fun.

3. Have lots of beautiful, talented children REALLY close together.

4. Follow Jesus wherever He takes you!!!

(we moved 6 times in two years!!!) Sorry, I can't get pictures of all the places, we have a lot of pictures!!!

The Wabern house, and the little cabin...

Matilija St., with the awesome garden, and Descanso-where we have spent the last 3 and a half years....

To be continued....

Such an honor...

Tonight, we finished the biography of George Muller. It was so neat to finish, but both Ben and I had this bittersweet feeling... like we were really going to miss George. It has been such a privilege to take a look at this man's life, and how his willingness to obey God and trust Him for everything changed countless lives.

But, it also got me thinking about the last year, or two, or three, and what a privilege it has been to read such amazing stories as a family. These stories that we have read are a part of us, our family. Hopefully, they are shaping us together, and our character, and making us think more about our God and His beautiful story.

It has truly been an honor George Muller, to share your part in God's story. Oh Lord, may we be faithful with our part in Your beautiful story.

Up Next: Adara.... set in the time of Naaman and Elisha. Should be a great read!!

Much needed quote

To manage a life of pain, as a believer in Jesus, remember: This is all the hell you will ever bear. (M'Cheyne)

I read this quote this morning, and it was exactly the reminder I needed. My back has been "out" again, and causing a lot of pain. If I am honest, my body was giving me warning signs for about a week. But I didn't listen. Which, at this point, I think we can all agree, was just a little stupid. This is my first pregnancy with the back trouble. (And most likely, the last, although that is a whole new post and many prayers and tears away). But anyhow, Ben stayed home from work on Monday, to help take care of me. I got a massage, and was feeling better. I had Grammie and Grandma all lined up to help with Ezra so that Ben could go back to work. Tuesday morning, I woke up, still quite sore and moving very slowly, but moving nonetheless. Got some coffee and some toast and was heading back down the hallway. And, then, it went!! I was fortunate enough to make it to a chair in our bedroom. I was in so much pain, but I knew no matter how bad it hurt, I had to make it to the bed. So I did. But, I was in a lot of pain, even after getting there, and couldn't move at all. I am normally pretty quiet about pain, but I heard Noah say, "Mom is hurting so bad, I heard her say 'Aah!!'"

Caleb came in and asked if they could pray for me. Then I heard him go back in their room and say to the others, "Okay, let's lift our hands to the sky!" I also heard him ask, "Okay, how many of you think that God is going to answer?" (On a side note, I think it's totally awesome that our family size is so big that one of them can ask a questions like "how many of you???" as if there are soooo many!!!)

Ben came home quickly and despite my tears and moans was able to get me turned over. Just kept having spasms in my back. Very painful. The thought crept in, "I can't do this!" It has been kind of a painful couple of years, between the trigeminal neuralgia, then the back stuff, etc. But God is so gracious and faithful, I knew people must have been praying for me, because I corrected my thinking. "I can do this." We are going to make it. One day at a time. And so, this quote was particularly meaningful to me this morning. The Lord is walking us through. Praising God for the prayers of my kids. He is using even pain to shape them into prayer warriors. (They made a "prayer club" for me.) Praising God for my husband's job, which has allowed him to be home with me when I needed him so desperately. (Another side note: as he was helping me try to get to the bathroom, I had my arms wrapped around him, and I told him, "Ahhhh, best part of my day.")

Praising God for family and friends that are willing to help and to pray and to care.

Praising God that in my greatest pain, I still know remarkably little of it.

Have been super encouraged by the song, "I love your presence." Here's a link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prbw1s5gVX8

Baby Update...

Man, I have been really bad at even mentioning this new child which will be coming soon. He seems to just go with the flow.

At church, we are going through the book of Philippians, and we just had an awesome sermon on not worrying (see Ch. 4) Anyhow, the question was asked, "What is keeping you from sleeping?" (Obviously meaning, what are you worrying about?) But I had a little giggle as my answer went through my head, "My bladder, my esophagus, and my pelvic bones!!"

I saw the midwife today, and she went through the kit I need to order, and things we need to have ready for the homebirth. She said the baby is head down, and it seems as though (his) head is quite tucked in there. Similar to Emma, she had a little bruise on her head from hanging out so low in there. =)

Anyhow, I am getting really excited to meet this little one.

The Power of Jesus!

Tonight, we have my two nieces, Cadence and Lyric staying the night. We were reading a Bible story about Jesus walking on the water. We got to the part where Peter asks to come out of the boat, and he walks on the water. Noah exclaimed, "It was the power of Jesus!!"

I love the way he tells the story. =)

New Season....

We have never been much for organized activities. For many reasons, but as the kids get a little older, we are now taking advantage of some of the neat opportunities here in town:

The little Miss, in a long-awaited ballet class.

Noah in pee-wee soccer, loving it and already loving on his coach. He is a goofball!!

Caleb in his guitar class. Only four kids, and he is so excited.

So, we will try this out and see how it works having places to go and things to do. At least until we have another little person around, then it will really be a whole new season altogether. =)