So yesterday, I finally had the excision surgery done on my chest. I'm glad I just did it, because quite honestly, if I had known what I was in for, I probably wouldn't have done it.
By the time I got home late last night (thanks to an amazing time with an amazing group of ladies), the anesthetic had worn off and nothing hurt at all. As long as I didn't move. ;-p
I'll have a nice size scar on my chest, reminding me that there was something there that could be damaging, even dangerous. It needed to be cut off in order to keep me safe.
Oh Lord, may I be so vigilant, may I "guard my heart above all else, for it is the well spring of life." May I be so willing to cut off all that would bring darkness into my heart and mind, rather than the light.
Last night, as I propped myself up on Mount Pillomanjaro.....I broke out into laughter. I'm pretty sure that Ben wondered if I had just totally lost my mind.
I told him that I've been exhausted and desperate for a good night's rest, and I laid down knowing it would likely not come as I closed my eyes-unable to roll or turn or move much without pulling on deep stitches. I laughed, thinking of how I am supposed to be on a plane Monday with a baby that I can't lift.
God has to show up. There is no way this will all work out apart from Him intervening by His grace.
Sometimes this life becomes like a weary head, longing for rest....and the looming knowledge that it may not be close at hand. But GOD is. He gives what is needed and as eyes close, we can, in faith, REJOICE at the time to come.
Yesterday I was reading my devotion, and the words that came were so meaningful.
"Impurities are afraid of the fire, but gold is not."--Joni Eareckson Tada
I easily see my imperfections....but as Job said:
"He sees the way that I take;
When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold." Job 23:10
And so, my God sees the way that I take. He is not afraid to place me into the fire, for He already sees the gold that He will bring forth. (Even when I can't see it.)
But I can rejoice in the time to come, knowing that He can see beyond my impurities...He sees what will emerge after it has been tried, heated, purified. One day, I will trade this sin-stained life and this sin-crippled heart for perfection in Christ. That is worth rejoicing in.
"I'm convinced that the recollections of past sufferings may one day enhance the bliss of heaven. Eternity with the Lord will be so much more heavenly to those of us who have been tested, battered, and tried time and again. God wants to strengthen your faith...and prepare you for joy.--Joni Eareckson Tada