Much Needed Reminder

Last night, I was feeling overwhelmed. And as I sought to pull apart all the reasons why, I had a pretty big epiphany!! Living under rules and law, instead of grace, is burdensome, tiresome, and overwhelming!!!!

I was faced with a situation in which I really felt like grace was missing; there was a whole bunch of be here by this time, you can't do this, you must do this, and don't even think of doing that, without a whole lot of...understanding. Without a whole lot of, "No, do what you need to do to take care of your first responsibility!! Those sweet little ones!!"

And so, I am reminded today, that I don't much like walking in rules and law without much grace. And I would imagine.... my kids probably don't either. ;)

"...but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." 2 Pet. 3:18

God's Grace

in my children....

(This was actually a contest, a blog give away where I had to say how I see God's grace in my children):

There are so many ways in which I see God's grace in my children. I'll try to limit it to three here:
First, when you see them and hold them as babies, you realize the truth of the gospel-it is not because of anything they do or don't do that you love them, it is because of who they are.
Secondly, children are amazing grace-givers. Whenever I have come to my children in repentance, they are so quick to forgive and to encourage. :)
And lastly, I see God's grace in the specific children God has given to me. They are my perfect match. They have shaped me in so many ways. Even the most difficult moments of mothering have taught me to pursue Christ more fully for the wisdom and insight I need to be their momma.

Rockin' My World, Mr. Murray

So, my current read (among others) is: "Raising Your Children for Christ", by Andrew Murray (previously published as "How to Bring Your Children to Christ". It has been so amazing... but I thought I'd leave a few choice quotes here:

"If every Christian home were a training school for His service, more spiritual growth would take place than could be accomplished through preaching."

"Only personal experience of the power of the blood can qualify a parent to speak to his children of God."

"Pleasure leads us to seek what is agreeable and for our own interest. It is one of the most powerful motives in all our conduct. When our pleasure, however, is at variance with the interests of others or the will of God, the sense of duty comes in to restrain and regulate the desire for pleasure. The reward of obedience to duty is that, in course of time, it is no longer a hindrance to pleasure, but becomes itself the highest pleasure. The art of education is to bring pleasure and duty into harmony. Both may be attained without the sacrifice of either."

"It is your duty and your joy to love the Lord your God with all your heart. If you love Him, then love His words, too. Let them live in your heart and let them have a place in your affections. When the heart is filled with God's love and God's Word, it is easy to have them in your mouth, too, and to teach them to your children."

6 months...

Judah Sean, you are 6 months old today. You have changed our lives forever. I cannot imagine our family without you, you are a constant source of joy. And 6 months has sure gone fast!!

You are now 19 lbs., 4 oz. You have a tooth coming in on the bottom right side. You love your bouncy car. You can roll over both ways, and you can sit up a little bit. You can definitely bear all your weight on your legs. I have a bad feeling that you are every bit as tenacious as Ezra was. We tried baby food, but you just weren't into it. And as I say to all you kids:

"You are a treasure! I love you, and I like you."

I AM

"Then Jesus returned to his wind-torn friends. 'Why were you scared?' he asked. 'Did you forget who I Am? Did you believe your fears, instead of me?'"

(from the Jesus Storybook Bible)

I love how well our Savior is captured in this quote. He is so gentle, so kind, to come and gently apply pressure to what has gone wrong. He knows just how to get to the heart of it. This morning, as I read this to the boys, I felt the gentle pressure applied to my heart. Am I believing my fears, instead of I AM?

Fears about my children: Will they ever be well again? Will the whooping cough that Noah has right now end up costing us Judah's life, like all the scary newspaper articles suggest? Are they getting enough of my attention? Is our deprivation of extracurricular activities going to hinder them?

Fears about my marriage: Am I doing enough? Is this crazy life that we have created really fulfilling for my husband? Is my "I've had five babies" body really enough to hold my husband's attention in this world where modesty is highly undervalued?

Fears about friendships: If I don't initiate something, will this friendship just fizzle out? Am I really a friend, or just a resource?

And to all of these fears, Jesus applies pressure gently and says, "I AM." Are you forgetting who I AM? Are you believing your fears, instead of me?

Because Jesus says that I just need to be faithful with what he asks of me as a mom, He will supply me with everything I need to do so, and that my children really belong to Him anyway.

Jesus says that I just need to be faithful with what He asks of me as a wife, He will supply all I need to do so, and that my husband really belongs to Him anyway.

Jesus says that I just need to be faithful with what He asks of me as a friend, He will supply all I need to do so, and that my friends really belong to Him anyway.

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing."

Psalm 34:8-10

"A Natural"

People often think that I am "a natural" when it comes to being a mom. I am actually not sure what that means-maybe they think I just love cleaning up poop explosions, that I naturally love to function on very little sleep, and that patience waits nicely in my heart to show itself throughout the day.

Oh, that it were true...

What IS true? Well, I am a nerdy bookworm. I love studying God's Word, and reading great books. I literally have to pry myself away from studying or reading each morning to start our day. I have to move 1 study Bible, 1 study book, a commentary, two notebooks, any books I am reading, and various writing tools just to make our bed in the morning.(TRUE CONFESSIONS: that is IF I make our bed!!) I love drinking coffee (decaf!) and enjoying God's creation. I enjoy exercising. I love great food, and I enjoy cooking. I love people, especially in small group sizes. I like things neat and tidy. Messes make me feel chaotic inside. When things don't make sense to my organized brain, I feel anxious until I "figure it out". I like quiet (I have "bionic" hearing, so loud noises really hurt my ears.) I am a "loner." I have lots of acquaintances but very few friends.

BUT....

I love the Lord. I cannot live without loving Him (from my favorite, "Hind's Feet..."). Reading God's Word is like treasure hunting. I love reading books that cause me to think high thoughts about God, that elevate my thinking and cause me to dwell upon the goodness of my God. I believe that my purpose is to join Christ in His work of creating a lasting legacy, carving out a special bride for Himself. I am not passionate about homeschooling (SHOCKER, I know!!), but I am passionate about discipleship, and homeschooling just happens to be the best way for our family to go about it. I love God's story in history, science, English, even math, and especially His word, and I love getting to share that with my kids everyday. I believe that discipleship is costly and requires ridiculous amounts of time. I believe that God means what He says-you reap what you sow. I believe that when people need a resource, and they call me, I can give whatever I have to them joyfully, trusting God to meet the needs of my soul. I have seen over and over again, that when I am lonely, God is faithful to bring someone alongside me at just that right moment, that I can reach out to, and find comfort in. I know that God has given me a really special friendship with my husband. He's feisty, but he's my best friend. I have the most generous mom, who knows just the right time for "coffee breaks", or when to pick up 5 extra boxes of cereal at the grocery store. I do adore nursing a tiny, little baby.

But what is really true... is that I affectionately call marriage and motherhood "the slow death of myself." I mess it up all the time. I need to be reassured often that I am not totally ruining my children. I run to Christ for grace to cover my mistakes. I am certain that the only thing coming "naturally" to me is sin, anger, frustration, impatience, and selfishness.

"Yet this I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I hope in Him!'" (Lame. 3:21-24)

A favorite....

This is one of my favorite verses. One day soon (I hope), it will find its way onto our bedroom wall. ;)

"Through wisdom a house is built,

And by understanding it is established;

By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches."

Proverbs 24:3-4

I love how this is a reflection of God's creative work:

"The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;

By understanding He established the heavens;

By His knowledge the depths were broken up,

And clouds drop down the dew."

Praying for wisdom, understanding, and knowledge to build our home today.

Poetry...

My friend Kate set up a workshop with Kim Bredberg of Blackbird and Company, a language arts curriculum company. I came away with so many great things! She had us do a few exercises, one of which was to write a poem inspired by a photo. Just thought I would share mine here:

Lazy day

At the beach

Splashing in the waves

Feet red

From long hours

Broken seashells

Treasured

In my heart

Memories still intact

Inspired by a friend...

This is a super, fantastic post by a friend of mine about worship:

http://teamhartfield.aimsites.org/2011/08/23/worship-from-30000-feet/

But what really struck me from her post was this:

"While I intended to sleep on my flights, God wanted me to worship Him. Through that adoration of my Maker He brought life to my soul. He gave me pleasure in the beauty of creation. And He renewed my passion for the journey we are on and the story we are writing every day."

We haven't been sleeping much around here. Kids getting up for all kinds of reasons. But this was a great reminder to me, that although I may intend to sleep, and get my rest and renewal that way.... God may intend for me to worship Him, by getting cups of water, and heating up rice packs, and soothing fussy babies. And if I will choose to worship Him in that, then He will give me pleasure in the beauty of His creation of these little ones, and He will restore my soul and renew my passion.

Thanks, Jodie, I needed that this morning. =)

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters,

He restores my soul;"

Psalm 23:1-3a

"The Lord sat enthroned at the Flood,

And the Lord sits as King forever.

The Lord will give strength to His people;

The Lord will bless His people with peace."

Psalm 29:10-11

Mom Heart Leadership Intensive Training 2011

Jesus knows me. This I love.

This phrase is painted on the wall in our home. This is the best summary I can offer of our trip to Colorado and the Mom Heart Intensive. The Lord clearly showed Himself at every turn. He lovingly cared for us in specific ways. There is so much to share, but for now I will share a story, and 3 lessons that won't be quickly forgotten:

Our friends graciously offered their cabin in Mancos, Colorado for our family to enjoy. We stayed four nights, and then headed towards the Denver area. On the last day of our time at the cabin, a gravel truck drove past us and a rock hit the windshield. Hard. As we pulled over to assess the damage, we noticed pieces of glass inside the car from where the rock had hit. Then I looked down and noticed one small piece of glass on me. I felt an overwhelming sense of God's protection-as if an angel had just stretched out over me. We praised God together for His protection!! (But, we still had a broken windshield and about 2000 more miles to drive!!!!) Now, this is a tiny, little town. I called a place in town called "Integrity Glass." Not only did they have a 1997 Suburban windshield in stock, but they had a mobile unit that would come out to the cabin, replace the windshield, and it had time to sit overnight before heading towards Denver. God's provision is amazing, abundant, and breathtaking. It was as awesome as the beauty around us. My husband and I marveled at God's goodness. And we remembered(this time) that when we encounter difficulties, the way we respond to them can greatly effect our experience of Him within the trial. By the Holy Spirit, we were able to worship Him with a broken windshield. And when we did, we saw God show up in an amazing way.

1. "The heavens declare the glory of God..." Psalm 19:1a

(Deb's beautiful backyard!!!)

When we disconnect from the beauty of God's creation, we miss out on a part of who our God is. His creation declares His glory!!

"For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead..." Rom. 1:20

(Just outside the hotel, as we were driving over to Sally's house)

2. We burden ourselves and our families unnecessarily when we try to drink a "cup" that is not what the Lord has given to us. We must accept our God-given personalities, and accept what He has made us stewards over, rather than always trying to accept a portion the Lord has not given us. I have to prayerfully consider what is my portion, and not add anything (even something good!!) or neglect something (especially little somethings). And when we return to Jesus' summary of the law, my main "portion" is to know Him and love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. Out of that love, I can then extend His love to others.

"We slander God by our very eagerness to work for Him without knowing Him." -Oswald Chambers

3. God has entrusted us with the ability to redeem!!

There is the ideal, what God intended.

There is our reality, which is broken and tainted.

And then, through Christ, there is the ability to redeem situations for His glory. This is part of bearing God's image.

So, it is wonderful when our kids encounter broken situations, to walk them through, "How can we redeem this situation in a way that shows God's love and goodness?"

I am so thankful for the relationships that were created, and I am excited to see what fruit the Lord brings out of our amazing time together in Colorado. (More stories to come!!)

Baptism

Emma and Caleb were baptized on July 17th, 2011... It was a super sweet celebration of what the Lord has been doing in their hearts.

Here is Daddy walking out with them...

Emma so excited, coming out of the water with her arms up.

Caleb, fearful of the waves, but bravely wanting to obey Jesus.

It was a sweet day.

Colorado....

Clay and Sally Clarkson have an amazing ministry called Whole Hearted Ministries. Much of their resources are devoted to encouraging homeschooling moms, moms in general, and families in general.

When we lived in the mountains, it was a rough time for most of us, I am not going to lie!! A sweet friend that I met shortly before we left gave me a book and encouraged me to read it. Now, I am a reader!!! But for some reason, I just didn't pick the book up. But I randomly packed it with me when we moved and unpacked it and knew where it was, still not reading it.

A dear friend of mine came back from a conference that Sally Clarkson had done, and she purchased a book for me called "The Mom Walk." She shared with me about the conference, and as I heard that name, Sally Clarkson, it dawned on me that the book I had been given, that was on a shelf nearby at that very moment, was also written by Sally Clarkson. Hmmmmm??? Think the Lord is trying to tell me anything???? So, I read both of the books, and needless to say, both have been a huge encouragement in my mothering journey.

I was able to attend Sally's conference two years in a row, and was so encouraged and blessed. Well, last year, Sally offered a Mom Heart Leadership Intensive to train moms to begin their own groups of ministering to moms. The Intensive was in her home in Colorado, and she only accepted 24 women from around the nation. Last year, we were growing so much in our love for the Lord, and having really been built up by our church, I thought it would be an amazing opportunity, so I applied. It was a pretty intense application, to tell you the truth, I can't even remember what I wrote!!! But, they were full, and I didn't give it another thought. In fact, I wasn't even able to attend the normal mom's conference this year, because I was pregnant with Judah and close to delivering, and just had a lot going on in general.

So.... I was pretty surprised last month when I received an email saying that because I had applied last year, they were giving me a first shot at this year. I thought, "Last year made sense!! This year does not!!!"

I thought for sure they wouldn't take me anyway since I would have to have Judah with me. But, they said it was no problem!! Oh man. Then, for some reason, the thought of flying with Judah and all the stuff we would need (car seat, stroller, etc.) plus a bad back made me kind of nervous. So, Ben suggested us all driving out as a family.

This just keeps getting better!! Then, our friends offered their cabin in Colorado for us to use. Then, because I have a nursing infant, I was going to have to pay a little extra for the hotel room because I would have my own room instead of sharing.... But, since they found out my family was coming, they upgraded us to a suite that would fit us all for the same price!!!

And so, Saturday, we leave on a family adventure. We shall see what God has for us. I am so excited, as are the kids, and Ben!!!! =)

Reading...

Just finished two must-reads:

And:

I highly recommend both of these books. Francis Chan's book is a loving response to Rob Bell's book Love Wins. He quotes Rob Bell's book enough to get a strong feel for it, and yet lovingly corrects by expressing truth from God's Word.

Eim's book is fantastic. Very thought-provoking and extremely applicable as a mother.

Update...

At Judah's 4 month check-up he was 17 lbs., 5 oz. (I think!), and 26 1/2 inches long. Not sure about the head size. Something ginormous, I am sure. Hahaha. The doctor said he looks like a 6 month old, and pretty much acts like a 6 month old. He has been rolling from tummy to back for a little while now, but about a week or so ago, I caught him rolling from back to tummy as well. He is a joy and pretty much the most exciting thing in our house. Second would be the new math books.

Happy Birthday Caleb...

Dear Caleb,

I can't believe you are seven years old!! I can't believe that I am writing this in cursive and you can read it!! (I am copying the note Caleb received this morning.)

I am so thankful to be your mommy. You love God's Word, and you are learning more and more about how much we all need Jesus.

My prayer for you, Caleb, is that you would be amighty warrior for God's Kingdom, and that you would use your gifts and talents to serve Him.

I pray that God will be able to say the same thing about you that he said about the Caleb of the Bible, that "he has a different spirit in him and has followed me fully." (Numb. 14:24)

Love,

Mommy (and Daddy!)

This is a picture of you playing with your potato gun. =)

The millenium falcon cake.

Ballerina

This past spring, Emma had the opportunity to take ballet lessons. It is amazing these days, how so many extra-curricular activities are available to children, and how tightly we can get roped into things, and how everything costs money. Evidently, all of her lessons were leading up to the program. So, then you have to buy a costume for the program. Then, the parents have to buy tickets (as well as any children that attend). Then you have to buy the program. They sell flowers, and refreshments, and you can purchase an "advertisement" in the program saying how wonderful your child is!!! I'm not saying these aren't wonderful things.... I'm just saying that we thought we were just signing up for ballet classes, we were not quite prepared for all that this entailed.

But at the end of the day, we had the experience, we are glad to be done, and Emma is indeed, a beautiful dancer. Very well suited for ballet.

Learning...

I don't know if I have said this before or not, but two of my all-time favorite child training books are: Shepherding a Child's Heart, and Instructing a Child's Heart, both by Tedd Tripp. They are just a fantastic encouragement towards gospel parenting... going after the heart, not just behavior. Anyhow, my dear little Ezra is full of energy and sometimes quite a bit of mischief. I would say about 90% of my child training energy goes toward him right now, which is probably normal considering he is 2 and a half. But, he is also a little more, ahem, energetic (insert CRAZY!!) than the average child, so it requires more energy from me as well.

Well, I had a bittersweet encouragement last week. I found myself in a situation where I knew I had done the wrong thing. The Lord gently convicted me about it, and I had resolved in my heart that I would go to a friend and confess my sin and repent and ask for forgiveness. But I hadn't yet seen her, so there was a couple of days between the conviction and the confession. Those days stunk!! God was so gracious and tender, and I was still able to worship Him, but I felt sick. It was like my bones were rotting. (As a side note here, the confession went very well, and I was received with the utmost grace and mercy!!) But, in those days while I felt so uneasy, it reminded me of what I am doing when I discipline the kids. When they disobey, there is something between us, and between them and God. And after feeling that, I would never want to just leave them in that place, and not love them enough to confront their sin and deal with it quickly!!! I want them to have unhindered, unspoiled, beauty of relationship with their God and with Ben and I. And so, I have to keep on keepin' on. Trusting the Holy Spirit to give me the energy and strength to discipline. =)

I love you, Ezra Lucas.

"He who spares his rod hates his son,

But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."

Proverbs 13:24

Almost 3 months...

Judah is growing so quickly. He is getting to be a big boy!!! So, I thought it only fitting to go back a bit, and look at all the kids around this age:

Emma Faith Hester

Caleb Paul Hester

Noah Benjamin Hester

Ezra Lucas Knight Hester

Judah Sean Hester

It's kind of a fun when you have a big family-every time I look at Judah I see a little bit of everyone else. He is well loved!! He's about 15 pounds and I can't remember how long, but this kid is big. He is so much fun, and when he smiles at me, I can barely concentrate on anything else at all.

Smile!!

To my Emma...

Dear Emma,
Tomorrow, you will be eight years old. You have grown up so quickly. I love watching you practice your ballet; it seems that you are your happiest when you are dancing and swaying. There are so many things that my heart wants to say to you. I love you so much. I fear that as our oldest, you have borne the brunt of all our parenting mistakes!! You have borne them well. You have such a sweet, and tender heart. You love to help and to teach. You wanted (and still want!!) a little sister so badly, and yet you love Judah so much... Just this morning, you were agreeing with me, that Judah is a necessary part of our family.
I love you so much. I remember the days, when it was just you and I... and although that time was not long, we laughed and danced and had lots of fun. You have grown into such a "girly" girl. You love painting your nails, curling your hair, playing with make-up, and dressing in your fanciest clothes.
Oh Emma... I wish I could open my heart and show you everything there. Words fail me in this season of little sleep. But for now, it is enough to say with all of my heart that I love you. You have changed me, or rather, Jesus has changed me by allowing me to be your mom. You amaze me. You teach me more about Jesus and His love everyday. My heart's prayer for you is that you would love Jesus more than anything. And that as you love Him more, you would trust Him as your Good Shepherd, and that you would dance your way through this life more gracefully and sweetly than I have. I pray that you would learn to dance with your Heavenly Father, who has orchestrated a beautiful dance for you.... You can trust Him to be Good, and Faithful and True.
I love you Emma.
Happy Birthday.
Mommy