Wednesday, June 10, 2015

When God says "No"

Oh. It is so hard when you are praying fervently for something, especially something you think is right, or necessary, and God says no.

But I think about my own kids, and when I say no to them-their tendency is to believe that either I'm keeping something good from them, or that I don't love them.

That tendancy is hard to fight, even as an adult. Last night, we made it to New York, only to find that even with everything lined up for Elijah, our insurance did not approve the chemosurgery procedure in time to go forward. This just means that most likely, we will have to postpone until the end of the month, and I will fly back with Elijah.

But we found ourselves heartbroken over Elijah's situation, without approval and the ability to treat him at this time (which is why we are in NY!), and without a place to stay.  In those dark moments...well. Everyone is different. I wish I could say that I handled it with the utmost joy and grace. But instead, I cried.

My 10 year old boy said, "Mom, this reminds me of some verses in Luke 12." Off the top of his head. He gets out his Bible and reads:

Then, turning to his disciples, Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds! Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? “Look at the lilies and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “And don’t be concerned about what to eat and what to drink. Don’t worry about such things. These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers all over the world, but your Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. (Luke 12:22-31 NLT)

And my husband immediately prays, "Lord, how do we seek your kingdom right now? Show us!"

And so. We had hoped that it would all fall into place. But it didn't.  But with every. single. hotel. booked in the city...we headed out and tried to find a room. We ended up in the Stanten Island area. Got food for the kids and crashed.

Today is a new day. It didn't go how I wanted or how I hoped. But here is the moment where my loving Father has seemingly said "no." And here is the part where we must believe that He is not keeping something good from us or being unloving. We must believe that He is with us and for us. He cares for Elijah!! So, either the treatment will be at another time (the end of this month?), or maybe God has something else in mind. 
I honestly don't know. But my job to bask in the love of my Father, and to try and live in a way that shows my kids that God's love NEVER fails, even when He says "No."

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